September 26, 2004

Love & dating...21

When we tell him/her that one of the reasons why we love him/her is 'cos he/she will make a great husband or wife, are we not actually saying we love the possibility of him/her becoming our husband or wife?

So, what is it that we love? The person or the possibility? Have we not already fallen for our own image of what our future could be with this person, rather than the person him/herself? It's so easy to fall in love with a possibility especially when the present seems to suggest that the possibility could be more distant than desired.

I guess, it's true that one of the things that says if you are in love with someone is whether you can see a future with this person and how much you like this future. However, maybe it's time to stop and think for awhile if and when this possibility becomes the centre of a relationship with someone, instead of the present happiness of both parties being the centre of a relationship.

I fell in love with someone before. Then, it became too difficult, sometimes even painful, to love him and i trust, for him to love me. Then, I fell in love with the possibility of what we could have been. And I held on to that dearly. Because he knew me and I, him. He knew me without my telling him, he knew my thoughts, my feelings, my opinions, my plans. I thought I could never find another like him. And there could be nothing better than having a future with him. Until I realised 2 things.

1. There is nothing psychic about knowing someone's every thoughts and actions, or knowing just what to do with him/her when he/she is in one of those moods. It's about understanding. And in fact, most people would be able to accomplish that if they take a bit time off to really talk to and understand another.

2. My loving him has transformed into loving a future with him, and not himself. I made myself adjust, I self-talked, in some ways, I tried to change myself, just so I could keep believing we could get there someday. I know he tried too. Only at our age, you may change characteristics but you can't change personality. And, you can't change a lot of things, everything that is outside your sphere of influence. You can only change your attitude and your opinion about the forces acting against your wishes.

It's hard. It hurts. To let go of that image, that future. But, you'd be happier as soon as you let it go. Who knows, you would be pleasantly surprised when you let it go and live to see another future with someone else becoming a reality without you holding on so dearly to it.

Live in the now. Who knows what will happen tomorrow?

Posted by 杏 cy （Jancy） at 15:33